


In My Dark Dreams

by humblenobrag



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Sorry Not Sorry, SuperBanshee, SuperCorp, i read too much superbanshee, karlena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 05:12:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16717157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humblenobrag/pseuds/humblenobrag
Summary: AU where Kara, Lena, Siobhan and Sam are friends.





	In My Dark Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I might read too much superbanshee on @smutaboutyou tumblr and god knows how much i love swb

She stumbled on a path of no return, blind with anger at the situation forced at hand. She couldn’t even think about forgiveness, not when the two people she trusted the most in the world looked at her with wide eyes, pleading for her to understand. She did not know how to fight the deep, dark feeling in her chest, no idea how to look at them and smile and she had no idea whether she was supposed to fight or to let go.

“I’m sorry, but we… the attraction…”

Kara was looking down at the floor as she attempted to explain their wrongdoings, to try to make her understand.

She didn’t want to understand.

Yet, she could do nothing but stay frozen in her position, to look at the two people she loved the most in the world.

“I still love you. But Lena…”

Those hands that used to grip her own lovingly were now intertwined with someone else’s. Lena was stroking her thumb across the back of Kara’s fingers, her eyes staring straight into Siobhan’s.

Siobhan lowered her head and spoke her first words of the day. To her surprise, her voice betrayed none of the anger she felt, her clenched fists hidden under the table of the café that Kara had suggested they meet at.

“I don’t want to be angry at the both of you.”

She wished to say more, maybe wish them happiness. Isn’t that what one should do for someone they loved? Wish for their happiness?

She continued to look at the table, watching as the wood’s veins merge and swim in her vision while Lena and Kara expressed their relief over her not being angry.

Siobhan hated lying but she supposed that there was a first time for everything.

*

She held on to her anger selfishly, guarded it warily and made it grow into this monster that she did not want to control. It was all that she had left of their relationship, asides from the pitying glances from their friends, the whispers behind her back of how she was so broken.

It was all she had.

She avoided group settings now. As much as she held on to her fury, she did not want to fuel it either, as would be expected with coy touches and smiles that Lena and Kara had taken to given each other now that Siobhan had given them her approval.

Or whatever an approval is when the girl in question refused to explode.

*

The phone vibrated twice before falling silent, Siobhan casting a disinterested glance at it. She tossed it over her shoulder, returning her attention to the computer in front of her. Somewhere behind, a thud was heard, presumably her phone making contact with the floor or the side of her cupboard.

The screen was the only thing she paid attention to.

Yet, there was nothing on the screen but ways to make different cocktails and what clubs were open on a Monday night.

She did not want to be a cliché, the girl who went on a self-destructive trail just because her girlfriend slept with someone else. At the same time, the monster in her chest would not let it go, would not let her sleep with taunting dreams of smirking brunettes and kind smiles that hid cruel intentions.

Her phone rang again.

She ignored it again.

*

“Why does it affect you so?”

Her psychiatrist was there for her for about ten years, ever since her sister realized that Siobhan would not get over the fact that their mother had left them. Cat Grant was a woman who was older than Siobhan and infinitely wiser.

But Cat did make a lot of sense.

In retrospect, it should not have affected her as much as it did. In relationships, there is always going to be that possibility that one’s trust would be broken, in form of lies or adultery. Siobhan knew this firsthand, and was ashamed of it.

It was also easier to say your mother died, instead of saying that she ran away with a man who was younger and richer than her father.

She raked her nail against her bare thigh and avoided the older woman’s gaze.

Cat tapped the clipboard once and asked in a soothing tone.

“Siobhan, did it feel like they have betrayed you?”

Of course they betrayed her. Kara was her girlfriend. Lena was her best friend. She was happy with the arrangement until they yanked the carpet from beneath her with tales of how they fell so in love and could not resist the passion within.

She answered dully.

“Yes.”

She understood. There was no such thing as happy endings in the real world, just people struggling to make themselves happy. She understood that Lena made Kara happy and in return, Kara made Lena happy.

“So why is it affecting you so badly that you’re spiraling into depression?”

It was as though Cat could see what she was thinking and repeating her doubts to her. She may have understood, but it did not mean that she accepted it. Or maybe she accepted it and she did not like it?

Then it clicked in her mind.

She knew why she hated it so much, that she was willing to throw away years of work at her mental state just because of two people who went and found their own happiness.

“It’s because I hate being abandoned.”

She looked up to see Cat nodding.

She felt pride at figuring her anger out.

*

“Please pick up the phone, Siobhan. We haven’t seen you in weeks and your course mates said that they haven’t seen you but they sounded like they were lying. Kara is really-“

She pressed the end button on her phone at the sound of the name that she really did not want to hear, silently apologizing to Sam who was probably freaking out somewhere. She wanted to be lost in her own head, not listening to the whispers and having to pretend that the pitying looks weren’t feeding the anger within her.

She looked up to see that her feet had taken her to a club, the bright neon letters shining in the darkness.

Pledge Pain.

How appropriate.

Siobhan ran her fingers through her hair and hiked up her skirt just a tad higher, gaining access into the club without even pulling out her ID.  
How predictable of men.

She then allowed herself to get lost in the haze of smoke and music.

How predictable of a girl who had her heart squashed.

*

She was not Kara.

Siobhan had to keep repeating the words in her head. The girl at the end of the counter sending her flirtatious smiles and raising her glass whenever Siobhan ordered a new cocktail was not Kara. She may look like Kara; have glasses like Kara but Kara was more confident, and more awkward in her movements.

She decided to play along and she revered in the way the lights made it seem like a blush was traveling up the unknown girl’s neck, how the girl looked down when Siobhan started to reciprocate her flirtatious gestures.

Those gestures turned into invitations to the dance floor, where Siobhan allowed herself to drown in the arms of a stranger that looked like Kara but isn’t Kara.

*

She stared at the red on her hands and at the bleeding body on the floor.

It was an accident.

Or was it?

Siobhan did not remember a thing. All she could recall was the pink haired girl was talking about open relationships and something about infidelity. She assumed that somewhere along the line, it sparked that monster nestled in her chest since the announcement of her girlfriend leaving her and she got mad.

Siobhan Smythe rarely got angry, as the results were usually devastating. She remembered the look of horror on her mother’s face when the woman came to visit her once, the only time she came. Siobhan had thrown a vase at her mother before picking up a shard and pointing it at the silent man beside her mother.

Her mind was buzzing continuously and she knew that she had to get out of there. The girl’s wounds had already stopped in their flow of blood and the red substance on her hands had already dried. She could, however see the breathing motions the girl made. 

Siobhan picked up the rest of her belongings and walked out the door.

She made no move on helping the wounded girl.

She only focused on escaping.

*

The attack made it on the news and Siobhan waited with abated breath for stern faced officers to drag her to the police station and charging her. She was sure that someone saw her leaving the club with the girl and all the television shows informed her that the detectives have ways of tracking down people who did wrong things. And hurting an innocent person was definitely one of the worst things to have done.

Her fear slowly dissipated as time pass and no one came for her in cuffs.

And slowly with time, the guilt that came with the fear would have been swallowed up by the monster in her chest.

*

“How are you feeling these days?”

Before the question, Siobhan never gave any thought to how she felt after the attack, not that Cat knew about it. She was not about to tell the older woman either, as that would definitely have her carted off to a psychiatric ward or worse, a prison cell. Now, she thought deeply on how she felt and she found something odd.

She was no longer as angry as she was before the assault.

Cat tilted her head and gave her a warm smile.

“You look better. Did something go well?”

Flashes of the night made it to the front of her cortex and she remembered what made her so angry. The girl, in dim lighting, looked so much like Kara that she had mistaken for Kara speaking so callously about relationships.

She found that she was not as angry because she had, in a way, had lashed out on the one thing that was making her clutch at the anger so.

She returned the smile and lowered her head in an attempt to be shy.

“I think… I found a way to cope with my anger.”

*

“Siobhan!”

Sam’s relieved shout made it to her ears before she could even set eyes on the girl within the restaurant. She had finally given the worried girl a call back, and as a result got suckered in to a lunch meeting with her.

She took note of the newspaper folded neatly on the corner of the table, the bolded headlines speaking of a psychotic person that still ran free whilst the victim’s family was once again featured in a completely unflattering photo.

She also saw the familiar cellular device a little too late.

Siobhan glared at the Sam, the girl lowering her head guiltily and looking at nothing in particular on the table. The anger within her flared again and she sat down silently, nodding in greeting to the other two occupants on the table.

She counted to three before Kara and Lena both started their questioning, the rapid fire succession of each question pushing the proverbial knife deeper within her chest. She nodded and made some noise to appease the both of them.

Siobhan sent another glare into Sam’s direction. She cleared her throat and announced nervously.

“So! Kara and Lena ordered two pizzas for us to share and-“

“I’m going to order a salad.”

She ignored the gaping expressions and waved for a waiter’s expression, plastering on a smile when one made his way to their table. She ordered quickly, before sending a wink towards the guy, leaving him flustered and fumbling at his notepad.

The resulting snort she got from the general direction of Lena and Kara was very gratifying.

Sam questioned her worriedly.

“Are you sure that’s all you’re getting? I mean, greens are good but you look thinner than before and-“

“I’m fine.”

Lena coughed and muttered loudly, hitting it precisely on the head on what was making Siobhan irritated.

“I told you it was a bad idea. She’s still mad.”

Kara spoke up loudly.

“No way. Siobhan said she wasn’t and she never lies about these things.”

Fake smile still on her mouth, she turned to Kara with an equally fake voice and exclaimed loudly.

“Doesn’t mean I like having it rubbed in my face.”

Kara looked taken aback at her retort and she saw Lena shrinking even further when she carried on with her barbed filled words.

“I mean, come on, you’d really think I’d be okay with my best friend sleeping with my girlfriend?”

At some point, she probably would’ve felt guilty. Kara might be a cold individual as portrayed but inside, she was a sensitive and naïve soul. Lena viewed everything with rose tinted glasses and refused confrontations. She was pushing both into corners they didn’t want to get into.

“Stop with the wishful thinking. I won’t get mad but don’t expect to come up to you with smiles and help you pick out your clothes or help you with homework.”

Siobhan gave another smile, making sure it was one that reached her eyes, complete with her lifted shoulder pose. She dug around her purse for cash and gave it to Sam.

“My share for the salad. Have a nice lunch.”

She gave Sam an apologetic smile, allowing the other girl to know that Siobhan didn’t blame her and got up to leave.

Pale fingers wrapped around her wrist.

“Siobhan, please. Let’s just talk this out.”

Kara was pleading with her but she heard none of it. All she could think about how a month ago, those same fingers were intertwined so tightly with Lena’s, how they could not let go of her best friend’s hand. She could only see the time where the both of them stood in front of her guiltily, yet determined in their decision that would break her.

The anger burned within her chest and she could feel the whispers creeping on her again.

Siobhan scowled and ripped her limb from the grip. She hissed at the startled brunette.

“Don’t you ever touch me again.”

*

“I saw Kara and Lena for the first time after they announced they were sleeping together.”

Cat tapped the clipboard once with her pen and she asked with a soothing voice.

Siobhan liked the voice.

“And how did it go?”

Siobhan stared at the stain on the carpet and wondered what it was that made the stain. She answered the question absentmindedly.

“We met at a restaurant. It was the first one I brought Kara to because they have good hot chocolate and Kara liked it. I also brought Lena there because she likes black coffee and they have Nicaragua Maracaturra blend. Lena has an expensive taste.”

She could only hear Cat’s soft breathing and the ticking of the clock.

“I think it should’ve been a clue that they were there. Sam has never been there.”

“How did you feel about it?”

“I was angry at Sam at first. Then I realized that I shouldn’t be mad at her because she was just concerned. And I really shouldn’t be displacing my anger.”

And for that moment, the flash of pink hair made it into her vision.

“It’s good that you realized that.”

“I also said some really mean things to the both of them. I think I scared Sam a little as well.”

A hand touched her thigh lightly and she looked up to see Cat smiling softly at her.

“But don’t you think it’s better to say what you feel rather than bottling it up? That way, you’d be able to let go of that anger slowly.”

But she didn’t want it to go away, Siobhan realized.

And for the first time since she had attacked the girl, she realized why she felt so good being so abusive.

She wanted Lena and Kara to feel what she felt inside, the insistent way the monster kept clawing at her chest, the burn of anger and the dull throbbing hurt.

Cat seemed to have sensed something, like she always did with that sense of hers. She spoke slowly and carefully, as though taking Siobhan’s feelings into care.

“If there is anything else, you can tell me so I can help you.”

Siobhan weighed the options.

“W-what if… I wanted to hurt them? Just to make them feel the hurt.”

Cat leant back into her chair and for the first time during their session, she looked genuinely worried.

“Hurting them how?”

Siobhan shrugged.

“Just hurting them… Like beating them up. Abuse?”

Cat stared at her for a long time before answering.

“It would not be a good thing for you. In a supposed event that you do let your anger overwhelm you and you hurt them, sure, for a while it would feel good. But these things always come in a full circle and you’d just end up feeling worse. You will then look for something even more drastic just so that you can find that good feeling again and it will escalate.”

The psychiatrist sighed and shook her head.

“You’re a good kid, Siobhan. You’re just very good at bottling up and as a result, when your bottle, so to speak, breaks, it breaks with a force ten times more than anyone else‘s. You will break fully and completely.”

Siobhan was silent and she stared resolutely into Cat’s eyes.

“But before that happens, I want you tell me. I want you to tell me that you can’t take it anymore.”

“What will you do for me? Lock me up?”

Cat smiled again and shook her head.

“No. I will listen, just like I always have.”

“I’ve been honest.”

“You’ve also been hiding behind your walls. I cannot do much to break them down, Siobhan. You have to do it by yourself. How much help I can give you depends on whether you are willing to open that door in the wall for me.”

Cat turned to look at the clock and patted Siobhan once on the head before standing up.

“You decide whether you want to let the anger rule you. You’re not as broken as you think you are. Just talk it out with them, this time try using your words.”

*

“Siobhan!”

In retrospect, it was probably an opportunity given by the heavens since Cat said to talk to the source of the problem. Right now, however, she wanted to run to her car and just lock the doors until the anger ebbed down to a small ripple.

Thus was the effect just hearing Kara’s voice could do to her.

Fingers brushed past her wrist before retreating. It did the trick, as Siobhan’s feet slowed down to a stop but still refusing to turn around.

“Siobhan, please look at me.”

She heaved in a breath before turning around with a smirk, a diatribe escaping her lips before her brain could even process it.

“Got tired of Lena already? So much for love then, huh?”

The hurt look that flashed across Kara’s beautiful face was worth it, she told herself.

Kara’s hand twitched at her side, as though wanting to reach out to touch her.

“No. I just wanted to talk. You didn’t really give me a chance to last week.”

Siobhan imagined how a handprint would look etched into Kara’s cheek before catching herself.

“Nothing to talk about. I get it. Both of you are happy but you’re feeling guilty because you hurt poor old Siobhan and you just want me to get over it so I can witness how in love the both of you are and be happy about it.”

“I meant it when I said I still love you.”

Siobhan knew it too; that Kara believed with all her heart that she loves Siobhan. She could see it in Kara’s eyes, the way her shoulders had squared before she delivered her line and the hope that laced the sentence.

Kara wanted Siobhan to believe it too.

“Really?”

Siobhan stared at Kara for a moment before answering with a grimace of a smile.

“Must not have been too much love then, seeing how willingly you spread your legs for Lena.”

She failed to notice Lena coming from behind Kara, not that it was that much of a mystery, seeing how short the other girl was.

She knew of Lena’s presence once she felt the sting in her face.

“Enough. You’re making her cry. Kara just wants to be friends again.”

Siobhan held her cheek gingerly and wondered if this was what the hurt inside her chest felt like physically. She wondered if the burn on her face came from the hit or the fact that there were people around them, staring and whispering openly.

And she just wanted to hurt the two of them even more.

Snarling, she went up to Lena and practically spat into the older girl’s face.

“Want? She doesn’t decide what to want, bestie.”

“I know what we did was wrong but can’t you just… be happy? We’re happy, that’s all it matters! Now we just want you to be happy, to see that we didn’t intentionally hurt you.”

She registered Kara sobbing in the background. She scoffed at the sight of tears and redirected her attention to Lena.

“You want me to be happy that my best friend and girlfriend’s happiness came from breaking me?”

Siobhan saw Lena falter slightly.

“She loves you, Siobhan. That much I know.”

Siobhan laughed then, a huge guffaw that drew comments about her mental state from the crowd.

“Like I said, can’t have been too much, right? My mother told me that if you truly loved somebody, you’d never go looking for a second one. Because if you did and the choice had to be made, you should always choose the second one because you would’ve never have loved a second person if you truly loved the first.”

“Siobhan-“

“I guess she made the right choice then, Lena.”

She drew closer to Lena and whispered into the shell of her ear, loud enough so Kara, who was standing close by could also hear it.

“Cat told me to talk it out with you. But right now, I don’t see the reason to, not when you guys think everything should be rainbows and butterflies after hurting me like you did.”

She paused and looked at her ex-girlfriend in the eye.

“Whatever happens next, it’s all on you. You made me into this.”

She stepped back with a smirk and turned on her heel, ignoring the calls of her former friends.

It felt empowering, calling Lena and Kara out like that and she understood that she didn’t have to physically hurt them like she did with the pink haired girl.

She understood that words could hurt more than blows.

*

“I saw Sam yesterday.”

Cat started the session off this time.

Siobhan could guess where the direction of the session was heading.

“She said you’ve changed. You’ve become a lot more cutting with your words, especially around Kara and Lena.”

Siobhan scoffed and pushed her bangs back once, her chin jutting out defiantly.

“I just said what was on my mind.”

“Is this what you meant by hurting them?”

Siobhan nodded.

“I’ve realized that you were right. It was better to be honest with my feelings. It felt good, telling them off about wanting happiness from me when they caused my pain. They want to be friends. That’s equivalent to wanting to keep a dead dog after it died.”

Cat nodded and scribbled something on her clipboard.

“Let’s talk about wanting to be friends again. Why?”

Siobhan shrugged and picked at the peeling nail polish on her left forefinger.

“Guilt? The longer I’m not okay with it, the more people around them are going to have second thoughts about the relationship. The pitying stares and whispers that follow me, it’s going to turn into a reality. They’re just covering their bases.”

“And do you think they are doing just that? Before you answer, I want you to think logically. Reflect on your relationships with them and think whether they would do that to you.”

So Siobhan thought. She thought of the attitudes of Kara and Lena and whether their friendship was as real as she thought it to be. She tried to delve behind the anger and the feeling it felt to cut them down with her words.

She finally answered after the color on her nail had been completely chipped off.

“Kara… truly believes that we should stick together, even though we’ve broken up. Lena just wants what she wants… I think.”

Cat smiled, a small proud smile.

“So they aren’t as malicious as you make them out to be?”

The anger and her stubbornness sealed her throat; her ability to answer was disabled.

Cat smiled again.

“When you can accept that, that’s the first step towards healing.”

*

She truly wanted to accept Cat’s words and get better. She truly thought that one day, in far distance, she’d be able to grace Lena and Kara with a smile and just wish them happiness.

The sight in front of her blasted through weeks of therapy and silent meditation.

The supposed love and care that both parties had for her was clearly non-existent as they both laughed to inside jokes together while the rest of their (also her) friends tried to make sense of the joke. There was no sign of the small, naïve girl that caught Siobhan’s hand and wished that Siobhan would be happy for them. No sign of the best friend that wanted nothing but the best for Siobhan.

She shouldn’t have been so surprised. Humans were selfish and Kara and Lena were no different. Why be so hung up on a friend you know wouldn’t budge anytime soon? Why not gather support while you can and write off that friend as bitter, paint yourself in the position of martyr’s that took her abuse?

It was the exact same thing with her mother. The woman had tried to reconnect with Siobhan, only to give up years ago because her daughter was being too difficult and was unable to be happy for her mother who had found “happiness”.

She was about to leave the cafeteria when Sam saw her, bless her soul, and waved energetically, the girl genuine in her efforts to bring Siobhan to their table. She debated between shaking off the offer and walking there just to irritate the two girls who had turned around, Lena’s mask slipping back on immediately and Kara’s mouth dropping open in surprise.

She decided to be irritating.

By the end of their lunch, Siobhan came to two conclusions.

Her friends were already on Kara and Lena’s side, as they saw the logic of Siobhan moving on.

Lena and Kara had no intention of making her happy like they claimed, except to clear the already receding guilt in their hearts.

Siobhan felt the anger cloud her mind and she allowed the monster to take over.

After all, being calm did her no good.

*

“Siobhan, are you okay?”

Cat sounded genuinely worried and her face spoke of the Cate worry that laced her tone. Siobhan smiled, knowing that at least someone was truthful in her life, even if she had to spend thousands to get this level of honesty.

She decided to supply Cat with the honesty the doctor craved from her, to let Cat see the monster trapped behind the walls.

“I’ve accepted it.”

Cat’s face lost some of its tension.

“Oh, good. Now towards feeling better, yes?”

Siobhan nodded and smiled widely.

“I’ve found a way to express myself and make sure that the bottle will not break.”

Cat smiled proudly, something Siobhan felt sorry for. She was sure the older woman thought of scuba diving or mountain climbing but the thing that Siobhan had in mind was a lot bloodier.

“That’s good. Don’t do too much at once, okay? Everything in moderation.”

Siobhan nodded, maintaining her smile on her face.

“Of course. Thank you for the sound advice.”

She left the office, even though she had another hour to go. Standing outside Cat’s door, she heard the woman dial loudly on her phone and talk. It was low and fast but Siobhan caught the words like surveillance and danger to herself.

Siobhan smiled again at how wrong Cat was.

Siobhan was never a danger to herself. There was not much that Siobhan can do to break when she was already in pieces.

*

The doorbell rang loudly and Siobhan placed the spatula down, running to the door. When she opened it, she gave the visitors a big smile and a loud greeting.

“I’m so glad you could make it!”

Lena returned her smile and Siobhan gripped the door tightly at how fake it is.

“I’m glad that you’re accepting of us.”

Siobhan laughed and waved her hand, walking back into the kitchen as the both of them removed their shoes at the doorway.

“I was just being stubborn, you know me. Then I realized that instead of losing two friends, I could have my best friends back.”

It made her want to throw up a little, having to spout such lies but the both of them sucked it like a sponge.

The guilty would take forgiveness in any way possible.

Kara smiled softly at her and said in a quiet voice.

“I’m glad.”

Siobhan resumed her cooking.

“Not as glad as I will be.”

*

“Wow, Siobhan, your cooking improved a lot.”

The praises and compliments have been steady throughout the dinner and Siobhan wanted nothing more than to keep shoving bread down both their throats to stop them from talking. Apparently, due to some unspoken agreement, they were trying to make her as flattered and as happy as possible by giving her insincere compliments.

She smiled tightly and drank her water slowly, glancing at the clock again.

The box said half an hour so another two minutes, give or take.

Lena stood up and wiped her mouth with the napkin.

“Hey, I got to use the washroom, sorry.”

She shook her head slightly, Siobhan hiding the smile that was growing behind another bite of her food. She watched as Lena took two shaky steps away from the table before crashing onto the floor, sending Kara into frenzy.

“Lena!”

Siobhan watched in amusement as Kara turned to her, her eyes clouding over as well, the medicine already taking effect.

“What did you-“

Kara never got to finish her sentence, as she slumped over the table.

Siobhan took out the both of sleeping pills and looked inside, the crushed contents making a soft rumble at the bottom.

“Wow, the expensive ones really are the good ones.”

*

She was looking at the blade with growing interest, taking in the sharp curve that could cut through tendon and flesh so easily, that allowed for the breaking of stalks of vegetables tougher than human fingers.

How much damage would it do to a human body, soft and pliable under the knife?

Kara woke first, the panic in her voice causing her to be hysterical as she tugged against the ropes that held her in place. The older girl didn’t register her presence in the room, instead only called for Lena who was slowly waking from her induced slumber.

It just gave Siobhan more of a reason to want to break them.

“Lena! Are you okay?”

Lena slurred drowsily.

“What… what happened?”

“Siobhan! She’s gone crazy! She must’ve put something in our food-“

She decided it was time to make her entrance, stepping out from the dark side of the room.

“Tied you up like that and is planning to kill you.”

She smiled sweetly at the both of them, Kara’s face plastered in horror, Lena just getting the situation.

“Well, technically, I was going to rob a bookstore where you’re at and hold you hostage. Then maybe shoot you, but this is much more fun. And getting a gun is troublesome.”

She grinned again and tossed the knife in the air, catching the handle in the hand when it swerved down.

“Siobhan, Siobhan, you don’t have to do this-“

Siobhan took two strides to cross the room and pressed the blunt end of the knife on Lena’s lips. The older girl immediately stopped talking, her eyes zeroing on the glinting blade. Behind her, Siobhan heard Kara sobbing and screaming, making her grateful that her house had a movie room and that her dad thought of soundproofing the room.

“Shhh. If either one of you make anymore unnecessary noises, a beloved part of your body would be leaving you, okay?”

As though she pressed a button, Lena sucked her lips in as an attempt to swallow the shout of fear she felt bubbling in the brunette’s throat. Kara’s sobs was stifled and she chanced a look behind to see that the other half has bitten her lips in an effort to stay silent.

She smiled at the quiet.

Inside the monster purred in delight.

“Good girls.”

She straightened up and waved the knife around idly.

“Let’s play a game, shall we?”

She turned around and walked around the two captives, the silver of the blade catching the dim light of the room, reflecting against the walls.

“It’s like hangman, except I’ll be asking questions to the both of you. Whoever lies, the other will get one cut on their body. Deep or shallow depends on how … severe your lie is.”

She stopped in front of Kara and smirked slightly at the fear present in her ex-girlfriend’s eyes. The blade pressed into the smooth expanse of skin Kara’s cheek presented and she continued.

“For example, Lena!”

“Y-Yes?”

“When’s my birthday?”

“Jan-January first.”

“Correct.”

She removed the blade slowly and clapped mockingly.

“And Kara’s face is saved from scars.”

She dropped the act and said seriously.

“Let’s play, shall we?”

*

They were about ten questions in and three cuts bleeding when Siobhan delivered the question that plagued her mind.

“When did the both of you start to sleep together?”

The two girls were tired and slumping in their chairs. Lena’s forearm bore two red X’s, one wound deeper than the other. Kara sported a long gash down her thigh, wide and spluttering with blood.

The both of them answered at the same time.

“A week before we told you.”

“Right after you got together.”

She could tell from the stricken way Kara had flinched that hers was a lie, probably one practiced with Lena to ease the pain of being cheated on for her. Siobhan grinned and cooed in pity.

“Seems like Kara doesn’t really care for your life.”

She stabbed Lena in abdomen then, the anger within her already flaring and out of control. The girl screamed out in pain, her hands struggling against her bonds to do something, fight against Siobhan, anything to stop the life from ebbing out of her.

It felt so good, the blood warm on her hands, the monster sated and happy.

Cat was right. Just making them feel the pain wasn’t enough.

She needed to destroy them.

Siobhan pulled the knife out quickly and watched in amusement at how Lena’s body folded, a natural instinct to stem the blood that was rapidly staining her shirt and body.

“Siobhan! Please!”

Kara’s choked beg had her turning around with a chuckle.

She had never heard Kara beg. It made sense that seeing Lena the way she was now would bring it out.

“Alright, last question.”

Strangely, it did nothing to soothe Kara’s fear, as far as Siobhan could tell.

“Remember, Kara, honesty is the best policy. Cat said all lies ever did was bottle your feelings and when it breaks…”

She made a soft booming sound, making hand gestures to supply the vision and lowered her bloodstained hands.

“Why did you get together with me in the first place when all you wanted was Lena?”

She saw hesitation and lack of sureness behind those eyes. It confused Siobhan.

Why wouldn’t Kara be sure of her decision?

“Because I loved you first.”

Siobhan’s hand whipped out and sliced across Lena’s face before she even registered the movement.

“I said honesty, Kara.”

Her voice was hard now, no more the small, mocking voice that she used throughout the torture. The steady drip of blood from the knife deafened her and Lena’s labored breathing was the background music to this segment.

“I am being honest. I loved you first.”

Kara was pleading now, and Siobhan saw it again. The same strong belief that Kara had the last time she tried to convince Siobhan that she had loved the dark haired girl.

Siobhan pulled the knife back and sliced through Lena’s right shoulder, earning a scream of protest from the heavily bleeding girl and another shout from Kara.

“I’m being honest! Siobhan, listen to me! Let her go!”

Kara was tugging at her ropes, trying to stop her. Kara always moving towards Lena when both Siobhan and Lena got into trouble together. Kara was always responding to Lena’s troubles when it should’ve been Siobhan’s job as a best friend. Lena and Kara going to movies when Siobhan was busy with schoolwork or at the psychiatrist.

It was always Lena.

She was so blind, eyes covered with rose tinted glasses that Kara’s supposed love supplied her.

She pointed the knife at Kara, the velocity allowing for a few gravitational drops to land on Kara’s face.

She snarled, her chest heaving heavily.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not! I loved you first! Always had!”

Siobhan roared, her voice loud and filled with anger.

Her ears also caught the pain that she had been shielding behind her walls.

“If you did, then why? You should’ve left me before I got in too deep! No, you had to sneak around, blindsided me because I was feeling too much for you!”

The knife clattered to the floor as Siobhan cradled her head, moaning at the whispers and the pain that suddenly wrecked her body.

It was not fair. This pain should have gone to Lena and Kara. She was not supposed to be feeling this.

“Siobhan? Are you home?”

Her father’s voice cut through her reverie and she looked up, head clear and knowing what to do.

She picked up the knife slowly and walked towards Kara with shaky steps. The girl tried to back away, but the chair was firm and she was weak from the blood loss. Siobhan placed the knife on Kara’s collarbone and whispered almost lovingly into the older girl’s ear.

“Remember when we made love and I’d always leave you hickeys here?”

Kara took in a shuddering breath and nodded.

“Well, I was thinking of leaving something a little more… permanent.”

“Siobhan, are you watching a movie? You didn’t clean up the kitchen after you were done cooking! You’re not dead from your own food, are you?”

Lena gasped out weakly.

“Please… Don’t hurt … her…”

Siobhan grinned and said it loud enough for Lena to hear.

“I’m sorry but I did warn you.”

She dug the blade deep into Kara’s collarbone, ignoring the stifled cries as she carved out a word.

“Whatever happens next, it’s all on you. You made me into this.”

She stepped back and dropped the blade onto the ground, grinning at the red letters staining Kara’s pale skin.

“Siobhan-“

Her dad opened the door and gasped, his eyes bulging out at the bloodstained walls and the fact that his daughter was covered in blood. He took in the two girls tied up and bleeding onto the floor and he whispered out in horror.

“Siobhan, what have you done?!”

She smiled serenely at her father and said with a shrug.

“I finally found a way to manage my anger.”

*

The ambulance got there just after Lena took her last breath. The police escorted her away just as Kara was sitting in the gurney, eyes glazed over and staring at the doorway. Siobhan smiled at the brunette and made her way past her in the cuffs that she had been dreading since she assaulted that pink haired girl.

Kara ripped off the mask and croaked at her.

“Why did you leave me alive?! You could’ve killed me right there and then! You could’ve done if before your father came in!”

Siobhan looked at the pitiful form on the gurney, relishing in the blood that dried on Kara's face. She knew it not to be the brunette's but those of her dead best friend and it exhilirated her.

“Why did you do this… and leave me breathing? Why?”

True, she could’ve killed the both of them. After all, her father did come in late enough for her to carve MINE into Kara’s skin.

She stopped by the gurney and ignored the law enforcement’s efforts in keeping her walking. Bending down, she brushed her lips past Kara’s ear and reveled in the shiver that passed through the girl’s body.

“I want you to feel that never ending pain that I’ve felt. The pain that was so intense that I had to kill to relieve it.”

She straightened her back and grinned at the fact that even the cops and the EMTs looked scared because of her next words.

“When you’ve finally felt all the pain I’ve felt, then you have my permission to die.”

She walked away smiling, basking in the cries that erupted through the night, the sirens that blared and disturbed peace.

Most of all, she took in the smell of death clinging to her body with much peace.

*

The court put her in a government facility, having agreed with the court appointed psychologist that she was mentally unstable. Siobhan was fine with it, although the white was a little too much for her at times. She got through it by imagining the red that adorned her father’s movie room’s walls.

They also allowed Cat to help with her rehabilitation. The court felt that Cat was the most appropriate doctor for her, seeing how she tried to injure her last three.

“How are we today?”

Cat was a lot more careful now with her words, her eyes looking and truly seeing for anything that might help her with Siobhan’s state of mind. Siobhan allowed for that. The asylum didn’t really require her to have walls.

“I dreamt of them last night.”

“Did this occur recently?”

“Yes.”

Siobhan canted her head to one side and whispered brokenly.

“I don’t know why. I did everything right. They weren’t supposed to return.”

Cat scribbled something onto the notepad before making a query.

“Who?”

“The whispers, the monsters. The pain that I have to go through because they were just so happy and fake towards me in the dreams.”

Siobhan sighed and pulled her knees to her chest.

“I don’t know what else I could do.”

Cat tapped her pen on the pad once before leaning forwards.

“Maybe it’s because you never really dealt with the problem, Siobhan.”

Siobhan smiled into her pants and delivered a question towards Cat.

“Is Kara still alive?”

Cat was taken aback but answered truthfully.

“Yes.”

Siobhan lifted her head from her knees and smiled widely, having caught the hint of fear that flashed past Cat’s face.

“Then I know why.”

When no answer was forthcoming, Cat asked hesitantly.

“And what is it?”

Siobhan placed her feet on the ground and clenched at the material of her pants tightly.

“I told her that when she has felt the pain I felt, she has my permission to die.”

The fingers tightened and loosened the nail marks temporarily etched into the cotton before fading.

“The dreams are here so I can remember my promise to allow Kara to die.”

**Author's Note:**

> Nicaragua Maracaturra was from starbucks reserve and does coffee brewed in siphon taste better?


End file.
